0 Fighting Discouragement and Negativity

By Eggplant's Mom

0

Fighting Discouragement and Negativity

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So often after losing a pregnancy we become lost, fixated on sadness, depression, and despair.  It's hard to describe the roller coaster high of finding out you're expecting a baby, followed by the roller coaster low of discovering we've lost or are about to lose the baby.  It's hard to see past the pain, to find the silver lining amidst the sorrow. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Philippians 4:8

Yes, it is hard to think of the wonderful, beautiful things that surround us when we are surrounded by so much inner and physical turmoil.  During my losses, I started small...  I focused on the enjoyment I got from my daily walks, something that before my most devestating loss, was one of my favorite outlets.  I focused on the people around me who brought me joy, comfort, and happiness.  I slowly introduced into my daily routine time that was just for me, just for my enjoyment and mental well-being. 

More importantly, when I felt ready to, I took time to acknowledge my loss by thinking of the beautiful, wonderful things I was hoping for out of my pregnancy and my future as a mother.  I did not let go of these hopes and dreams just because I lost my baby and didn't have a born child.  When I felt I could do so, I imagined what they'd look like, the activities I wanted to do with them, the trips and vacations, the games and the songs, all the things I wanted to share.  Those things brought me happiness and comfort while I was pregnant and it's only natural that those same thoughts would bring me happiness when remembering my loss. 

Granted, I didn't get to a place where I felt comfortable thinking about such things immediately after my loss, but over time I got to a point where I wanted to remember the happiness that being pregnant brought me, even if it was so brief.  I didn't want the memory of my babies to be just pain and unhappiness because I felt those feelings didn't honor them in the way they deserved to be honored, and it was so important to me to acknowledge my pregnancy and my loss in a positive way.  If not for me, for the babies I lost.

And if it all gets to be too much...  Stop, breathe, and seek out support.  You are not alone.  Right at this very moment, there is somebody out there who wants to be there for you, be it your husband, the father of the baby, a parent, a friend, God, a spiritual leader.  Reach out to them and don't be afraid to share what's on your heart.

0 Baby's Way

By Eggplant's Mom

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Baby's Way

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Baby's Way
By Rabindranath Tagore

If baby only wanted to, he could fly up to heaven this moment.
It is not for nothing that he does not leave us.
He loves to rest his head on mother's bosom, and cannot ever bear to lose sight of her.
Baby knows all manner of wise words, though few on earth can understand their meaning.

It is not for nothing that he never wants to speak.
The one thing he wants is to learn mother's words from mother's lips.
That is why he looks so innocent.
Baby had a heap of gold and pearls, yet he came like a beggar onto this earth.

It is not for nothing he came in such a disguise.
This dear little naked mendicant pretends to be utterly helpless,
So that he may beg for mother's wealth of love.
Baby was so free from every tie in the land of the tiny crescent moon.

It was not for nothing he gave up his freedom.
He knows that there is room for endless joy in mother's little corner of a heart,
And it is sweeter far than liberty to be caught and pressed in her dear arms.
Baby never knew how to cry. He dwelt in the land of perfect bliss.

It is not for nothing he has chosen to shed tears.
Though with the smile of his dear face he draws mother's
Yearning heart to him, yet his little cries over tiny troubles
Weave the double bond of pity and love.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ•.¸¸.•´¯`•.♥.•´¯`•.¸¸.•.Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

0 Who We Are

By Eggplant's Mom

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Who We Are

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The creation of our group began in 2001 during a Proverbs 31 women's church group.  A woman shared that she had suffered a painful miscarriage and was desperately trying to make sense of her loss, however she found startlingly few resources to help her.  The pain of her loss was very real for her and her husband, and she found herself feeling very lonely and isolated, with no constructive or safe way for her to express her grief.  She described her feelings of loss, her pain, her depression, and the feeling that she was alone, with nobody who truly understood how it felt to lose a pregnancy.  She shared that the few times she did open up in what she thought was a safe place, she sometimes found sympathy and compassion, but just as often found that people didn't understand "what the big deal" was.  These feelings had taken a toll on her spiritually, emotionally, and physically and were beginning to impact her relationships with the people around her.  She felt lost, lonely, and afraid, and did not know where to turn.

She has often said that she didn't know where she found the courage to share her story with the group or why she felt so compelled to share it that day, but when she did, she found that other women in her group, women that (in some cases) she'd known for her whole life, had also experienced miscarriages and understood just what she felt but were too afraid of not being understood to discuss it.  The understood the hurt, the grief, the feelings of loneliness and isolation, and also found a lack of resources to help them cope.

That day a group of Proverbs 31 women who'd experienced loss approached the church's Pastor and asked for guidance.  After several weeks of research, prayer, reading testimonials of women who survived loss, work with the local hospitals and women's groups, the group "Mothers in Mourning" was created.  What started as a small, locally run group in a community church in New Hampshire almost 10 years ago has grown to a group that has dozens of members from across the country who meet in person, over the phone, and online to offer each other support.  And over the years, our group has helped women overcome miscarriage, helped them through difficult pregnancies, and watched families grow in every way.

Because our group has grown, so has how we reach each other.  What started as an email group turned into a feed on Twitter and has now expanded to include a blog.  While the group is still run and maintained by local members, we invite anybody who grieving a loss to join, read, and participate.